This is repost from The Placing Parent blog – written by a family who donated their embryos for adoption.
I love the show “The Locator”, where Troy Dunn reunites long-lost family and friends. If you’ve ever watched the show, then you’re probably aware that some of the stories encompass closed adoption stories, where either a son or daughter is searching for their biological parents or a sibling is looking for their lost sibling, etc. In part of his introduction on the show, Troy says “You can’t find peace, until you find all the pieces.” While I’m aware that not all adoptees feel that way, I do think there’s some validity to that phrase. At the very least, most humans have a built-in desire to know something about their roots and where it is they came from, even if they choose not to form relationships with their genetic family.
It’s shows like that that make me wonder who’s thinking about the children who will inevitably be impacted by the decisions surrounding Embryo Adoption and/or Embryo Donation. By children, I not only mean genetic siblings of the embryos who are placed for adoption and/or donation, but also the children that may result from the adoption and/or donation itself.
I know for us, that brought the most amount of angst in our decision making, because there were so many unknowns. To my knowledge, the oldest child adopted through Embryo Adoption is about 12 now, so there are currently no adults around that we could consult with to ask questions from their unique perspective.
We ultimately came to the conclusion that it was important to consider our children’s future feelings with regard to the many decisions surrounding the adoption of our embryos. We knew there would come a day when they would have questions and we wanted to ensure that we handled the adoption in a way that was not only honoring to them, but any children resulting from the adoption. Although we realize we can’t control what our children will ultimately feel, nor the children from our Adopting Family, we hope that at the very least, our hearts will be understood in why we did what we did and the way we did it.
I guess I feel like we already have the world pitted against us when we are born. We are all vulnerable and insecure in one way or another. With that in mind, I can’t fully imagine what it would feel like to know that I was placed for adoption as an embryo. Is that something that you feel should be considered when placing your embryos for adoption and/or donation? Even if you don’t believe that an Embryo is a living being, I think we can all agree that there’s potential for life and with that potential, a child resulting from the adoption may one day wonder “why was I placed for adoption and/or donated?” Just throwing that out there for what it’s worth.
After all……these little embryos may one day grow up to be adults and decide that they would like to know more about their genetic roots. I for one think they are entitled to some information. That may include them requesting to have contact with their Genetic Family. How would you feel if they sought you out? Again, it’s something to consider and how it may impact your entire family overall; if not now, but possibly in the future.
I honestly don’t mean to rile anyone up by bringing up such a difficult subject matter. My hope is to simply put some thoughts out there; thoughts that I wish someone had brought to my attention, before we started to think about placing our embryos for adoption. I think the most frustrating part of placing your embryos for adoption/donation, is the sheer lack of practical information. A person can’t possibly think about all the scenarios that a person/family may one day face.
When it comes to your journey with Embryo Adoption/Donation, no matter if you’re the Placing/Donating or Adopting Family, we all truly walk by faith and hope for the best. My hope for the future is that we will have more practical tools, stories, and information to make more informed decisions.