What if?

Reposted with permission from Coley Strickland founder of Birthmom Buds

When I tell people that I am a birthmother or when I am talking with women who are pregnant and considering adoption, one of the most common questions I hear is, “Do you regret placing your child for adoption?”

On the surface, you’d probably think that this question has a simple yes or no answer. But it doesn’t! In fact, the answer is pretty complicated. I’m sure the answer and thinking process regarding regrets different from birthmother to birthmother, but here is how I look at it….

Do I regret that I did the best thing for my son at that moment in my life based on the information I had at that point and time? No, I don’t regret that. Do I wish things were different and I had been able to raise him? Of course I do! Do I regret giving him life and bringing him into this world? Absolutely not! Do I regret the foolish actions that led to my pregnancy? Yes, I do deeply.

I don’t regret getting pregnant with my son but I do wish the pregnancy had come at a better time in my life. I know that although it is very hard and hurts a lot that I made the best decision at that time in my life. If I knew as much as I know now back then, then I probably would not have made the same decision.

I could sit here all day and say “I wish I had…” But I can’t change the past. I have to push the regretful thoughts out of my mind on some days. What’s done is done. I can only move forward in life into the future, not live in the past, and try to heal from the past and hope for a bright future.