adoptive parents, Domestic Adoption, LGBT, Open Adoption


This is a guest post from one of our prospective adoptive parents….you can find them at

We were chosen by our birth mom, had an amazing baby shower, and were all packed and ready to go when the time came. What we were not ready for was the phone call from our social worker with bad news. It was about a month before our potential birth mother was ready to give birth and her social worker started going over the next steps in the process. This made things seem real and she was having second thoughts about the adoption. We were speechless and at that moment, all these scenarios & questions started reeling through our minds.

“Does this situation happen often?”

“Why is she changing her mind?”

“Was there something about us that she didn’t like anymore?”

“What happens now? What do we do?”

Our social worker told us that this does happen but we could only wait and see what happens. She also suggested that we send a letter telling her that we understand that this is a difficult decision for her to make and that we’re behind the openness of the adoption.

With that letter sent, all we could do was wait. This was an excruciating time for us because we so badly wanted to be Dads. A week went by and we hadn’t heard anything. Michael called our SW to get an update and she hadn’t heard anything. She said to be patient and to stick by each other, that we will hear something soon. We were both beside ourselves because we wanted to know something, anything that would give us some slight hope. Then one day she did call us and said that the potential birth mother was meeting with her SW to see where she was with her decision. We took that as a little glimmer of hope, that she hadn’t made a final decision to pull out of the process yet.

Some time goes by and the call we had been dreading came…she has decided to parent the baby. We were devastated. Michael had gotten that phone call and to hear the sadness in his voice broke my heart. When we both got home, we both cried and held one another because that was all we could do. That’s all that we needed to do at that moment.

This was our first disappointment and we would be lying if we said it wasn’t a crappy feeling. So many emotions ran through us. For me, I was sad, angry, and I started to feel like the adoption process was failing me. I couldn’t be angry with the mother. I could only imagine what a hard decision it is for a mother to make to place her child after carrying it for 9 months. All I can say in this situation is: you and your spouse need to stand together and take care of each other. It’s not an easy time and the love & support you give each other and from family & friends will carry you through.

We firmly believe that there is a plan for us and that our time will come when it is ready.


3 thoughts on “Disappointment”

  1. Having gone through two disappointments, I know there is nothing that makes them easier to take. Nothing anyone can say to make it hurt less. After our first one it took therapy to get me back to something normal. This couple has the right attitude, I think. In our case, we chose adoption over infertility treatments because eventually if you preserver you will be parents. It might be an emotional battlefield, but there will be a happy ending.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear your news. My husband and I went through a similar experience last year. The birthparents changed their minds when we went to pick up the baby. I hope that you will matched again soon.

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