adoptive parents

Deciding how to field questions about your adoption

Deciding to adopt seems to encourage family friends and coworkers to ask very personal and sometimes ignorant questions. Decide early on how much information you want to share, with whom you want to share it and stick to it. Setting boundaries for how much information you are going to share will help alleviate some of the questions that are bound to surface and will also help you feel more in control.

Close friends and family may mean well and may be very excited for you but the constant bombardment of questions may wear you down. They will want to know, “Did you hear anything today?” when you may go weeks or even months without hearing anything. Figuring out what and how you are going to provide information to these people is a good idea to decide in advance otherwise, someone may be asking you daily about what is happening.

In addition after you are placed you may need to have conversations with your family and friends about how much information you want them to share with others as well. Do you want them sharing your child’s history, information on their birth parents? Make sure you let people know what you are comfortable with them sharing and what you would like kept private. If you don’t give them guidance they may disclose something that you didn’t want shared. Setting boundaries shouldn’t be seen in a negative light. It is a way for you to filter the information about your adoption in a way that you are comfortable with. Maybe set up a blog, and just direct people there for updates, or send out a weekly or monthly updates by email. If people know when to expect information or how to obtain it they will be less likely to continue to ask you. Friends and family are excited and don’t mean harm by their questions despite how it may feel. Stick to your plan, you’ll be happy you did in the long run.

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