This is a guest post from one of our prospective adoptive parents….you can find them at http://2dads1family.blogspot.com
Someone asked me today why Vinnie and I wanted to be parents. It took me by surprise because I can’t picture anyone asking a pregnant woman or her husband why they wanted to be parents. I mean, its a role that affects us on every level. We are not only ensuring the continuation of our species but sustaining our culture, our family, our very essence. Parenting is so much deeper than the biological process its associated with but with gay couples, the lack of a biological process seems to make everyone think that we don’t have the needs, emotions and with some people, even the skills needed to parent.
Well, let me tell you something! We’ve had no loftier goal in our lives, nothing more basic and nothing we’ve worked harder for.
My ‘parenting’ clock (I call it that because as I said, the biology does make it difficult) started ticking in my mid-twenties, the moment I met Vinnie. I knew he and I would make an amazing family together and I wanted to parent more than just a chihuhua. (We do that too, though!)
I’ve worked with kids all my life. From tutoring to babysitting to now running a very successful childrens store, I am sometimes more comfortable dealing with kids than adults. Being with Vinnie, showed me a whole new side of myself, though. I wasn’t just Michael being Michael, I had an amazing partner. What I discovered was that when Vinnie and I were together with kids, especially his nephew, was that our realtionship grew stronger. We seamlessly played off eachother. I was stronger with him. He was the bad cop to my good cop (a role he plays with such ease that no one ever knows he’s the bad cop.). He quieted things down when traffic was stressful and he knew I needed a minute to concentrate on driving. He appreciated that sometimes when you are out at a restaurant, the menu can be interpreted with some creativity. Our marriage didn’t change when we dealt with kids, it only evolved. The strengths we brought to our life together were the same strengths we used when we were caretakers. I say all of this, not to laud my husband (but I should), but instead to show why it wasn’t a conscious thought we should be parents. We just were meant to be.
Getting back to that all important question of why we want to be parents, though…I don’t think we could ever fully answer. We want to share the love we feel in our family that floats between us but longs to attach itself to someone who will not only personify but complete it. More simply, though, we want to roll over each morning and have a purpose beyond ourselves. We want to give bottles and burp. We want to wake at that midnight coo. Of course, we also want to buy adorable outfits, dress a child in them and then, wash those same clothes when they are covered with food or something slightly smellier. And further down the line, we want to cry when dropping a child off at school for the first time and make cupcakes for the bake sale at that same school. We want our child to grow in an environment that he or she takes away the best of his or her fathers and when they have a relationship themselves, they know the love and respect they should both expect and give.
Parenting is a dream right now for us but in our hearts, it’s already a reality.