Sam’s daughter, Allison Paige, came into this world on April 22, 2011 at 37 weeks and 1 day. She most likely died as a result of a cord accident. It’s impossible to know for sure. Sam and her husband loved her from the start and miss her every single day. Sam writes to honor and remember her. They have chosen to grow their family through adoption now and can’t wait to one day bring home her brother or sister.”
It started when we lost our daughter. At 37 weeks and 1 day, we learned our daughter was to be delivered stillborn. We were devastated. People wanted to do all that they could to help us. They sent food. They sent flowers. They sent cards. Many wanted to come over and sit with us. Most wanted to take the pain away. As the dust settled and the hours turned to days and days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, what I remember most of those dark days was the pain. What I remember next was that we were never alone.
After a tedious year of medical intervention and stress and injections and hormones, we decided enough was enough. We were physically and mentally exhausted and we made no progress to grow our family and we were not doing as much as we could do to honor our daughter, either.
Making the plan to adopt was easy once we decided that was what we wanted to do. My husband and I were and are on the same page and knew that we wanted to be parents…how we got there was not really the issue! The more time that has passed and the more papers that we have filled out has just confirmed that this is so right for us. We chose Adoptions from the Heart because of their great reputation and have not regretted it! They offer all sorts of classes and support and make sure that we are fully aware of each step along the way. We have met others like us that have also made adoption their plan. They want to be parents and know that adoption is right for them.
We also chose Adoptions from the Heart because we love the idea of Open Adoption. Had our daughter lived, we would want to know what she looked like and what she liked to do and the sound of her laugh. And I imagine the same goes for any birth mother or father. We respect and honor that.
The only issue that bothers me is that I can’t really plan for a baby like I could when I was pregnant. I can’t call and set up my FMLA for work as I have no expected date as to when I will be out on leave. As different as the path of adoption is, the planning for a baby is familiar territory for us. And we are excited to get started.
I do not want to set up the nursery until we have the baby here with us, in our arms. I am not sure I can stand the emptiness of that room again. We have a boy name and we have a girl name so in that respect, we are ahead of the game. But no shopping, no shower, no anything until we have our baby home. I suppose that is normal for parents who have lost a child, but I don’t always love our new normal.
This baby, our rainbow, will be raised by a village. He or she has already been welcomed into our family. His or her cousins are ready to play with him or her. My mom said she can already feel the baby in her arms. I know my husband and I feel that there is more than enough room in our hearts. And as it gets closer, we will physically get ready for our baby, too. Our daughter’s little brother or sister is coming…we may not know how and we may not know when, but one thing is for sure, our baby will someday (soon) be coming home!
It started when we lost our daughter. But it will not and did not end when we lost her. She just reminder us how much we want to be parents. And we will be!