Adoptees, adoptive parents, Birth Parents, Domestic Adoption, Open Adoption, Parenting

The Adoption Triad: The Birth Mother Perspective

In previous posts you met Eliza and Jennifer, a mother and daughter touched by adoption. This is the birthmother, Tammy’s, story.

At 28 years old, Tammy found herself in a predicament. Already having a four year old daughter who was currently living with her Grandmother, Tammy was pregnant again. She knew that she was not in any condition to have a child so she went to get an abortion. When she went, she decided she didn’t want to go through with the operation. Tammy was well aware of the responsibility it took to raise a child, so she looked into adoption.

Tammy came to Adoptions From The Heart in 1993, seeing three out of the six profiles of prospective adoptive parents. When Tammy met Jennifer for the first time, they cliqued within the first five minutes. Tammy described it as loving everything about Jennifer, “I knew she was the one. I could picture her holding her, bathing her, feeding her.” There were never any fears on Tammy’s mind that Jennifer wouldn’t keep the adoption open.

If you read our previous posts, you know that when baby Eliza arrived Tammy had made the decision to raise Eliza. So Tammy took Eliza home and kept in touch with Jennifer. Jennifer had even given Tammy everything she had previously purchased for baby Eliza. After two months of raising Eliza, living in a two bedroom apartment with a friend and her three children, Tammy knew she couldn’t provide for Eliza the way she had hoped to. “I wanted Lizzie to have a life and be happy. At the time, I couldn’t do that and I didn’t see that happening any time soon.”

In 1994, Eliza was adopted by Jennifer. While Jennifer and Tammy still stayed in touch, Tammy had chosen to stay out of Eliza’s life for a little while. She was in mourning, as many birthmothers go through, after the placement. A few years later Tammy decided to meet with Eliza because she knew Eliza didn’t understand why she was placed and why Tammy had raised her other children. Tammy wanted to give Eliza an explanation and let her know that Tammy placed her out of love.

Tammy was always honest with her children she was raising and they thought it was so cool to have another sister. Eliza and her brother are very close and there are is only a two years difference between them. Tammy is so happy that she was able to create the family she has today, a loving and open family.

Tammy and Eliza have a very personal and close relationship. They are both night owls, so do most of their talking at night. Tammy expressed to me multiple times that she loves Eliza with all of her heart and is so proud of the strong woman Eliza has become. “I get credit for how beautiful she is, but Jennifer and Chris get credit for everything else.”

As for Jennifer and Chris, they are Tammy’s best friends. They have been with Tammy throughout everything since Eliza’s birth. She described Jennifer as one of the most amazing women she has ever known. “Adoptions From The Heart can give you a second chance. I am now happily married. I have two more children, I live in a great house and my 19th wedding anniversary will be at the end of December.”

Tammy is so grateful for Adoptions From The Heart for bringing her and Jennifer together through Eliza’s adoption.

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