Parenthood is a big step in life and celebrating soon-to-be dad’s, adoptive and birthfather’s is important to do every day of the year.
Feeling Fearful is Okay, You’re Not Alone
Every parent can experience cold feet, or nervousness about having children. There are financial worries, potential stress on your relationships and the intimidating notion of being responsible for someone else’s life. Adoption can add some additional layers to the already overwhelming step into parenthood, but the nature of the adoption process doesn’t have to be a scary thing for soon-to-be dads. Combating the fear head on means starting with the basics first. Birthfather’s should know their rights when making an adoption plan, and should take advantage of counselors and all other resources that are offered for them. Take the time to understand and educate yourself on adoption, parenting and whatever all topics have your stress levels rising as due dates or travel dates for families adopting internationally approach. The internet can be a fantastic resource for meeting other adoptive parents, taking the time to ask them questions specific to their experiences can help to ease your worry and to help prepare for all that fatherhood will bring. No one is perfect and everyday will bring new challenges, but with an open mind and open heart you are capable of being a fantastic parent.
Celebrating and Embracing Change
Scott and Bill may not be the type to go all out for holidays or take time for themselves this Father’s Day because they simply don’t have the time. Priorities change after you start a family and that was all too clear after Scott and Bill adopted two sons through Adoptions From The Heart. “I always thought I’d go back,” Bill said in reference to his position as a music teacher, “but now I can do that part-time at church and stay home with the boys.” Now, every day is different and filled with surprises, always out and about with plenty of adventures to be had. “We are so busy and time goes so quickly, I really cherish tucking the boys in at night. It gives me special time with our oldest where he’s more affectionate and we can reconnect.” Adoption and parenting in general has taught Bill and Scott to be a lot more flexible, to go with the flow in a lot more aspects of their lives. “When we adopted, we had to completely change everything about our lives. We welcomed the change, but it was still a change none the less. I think that all families considering adoption should know that everything will work out in the end.” Birthfather’s face changes in their lives when an adoption plan is created and also after placement, but the advice from Bill still holds true. We may never have seen ourselves in a particular situation, but when faced with a big change like guiding an adoption plan, it is important to welcome and accept all the new experiences with an open heart.
Reflect on the Road Taken to Appreciate the Present
“I remember the day like it was yesterday, January 17th 2013, our first educational class at Adoptions From The Heart. We walked in so nervous not knowing what to expect, we left with two huge smiles on our faces and went right home to write the application for adoption,” adoptive dad Jeff, recalls. “The summer came and our social worker told us we had been looked at a few times and that was a great sign. It was hard to know we had been looked at and not chosen, we wondered what they didn’t like about us and it was tough to deal with sometimes. Then we got a call in late July that we had been chosen by a family in Delaware, the excitement levels were off the charts, for us and our families too. We immediately went shopping and bought all of the furniture we had waited so long for. It was the most exciting week for us. Later that week, we got another call from our social worker saying that the expecting parents had changed their mind and were planning to parent, we were devastated. We went into a depression spiral and it got really bad, but we went to a support meeting at AFTH and it really boosted our spirits and we found out that we are not alone with this happening to us.” Having a support system helped Jeff to better handle the disappointment and accept that everything will work out in the end, which it did!
“On Black Friday 2013, we got the call again and this time it was the one!! We met our birth mother the next day and the rest is history. We instantly loved her, and we felt she had the same feelings for us, and we later found out she did. We took our baby boy home on December 4th and it has been a wonderful dream scenario since. They always said that it will all work out when it’s supposed to, we never really believed that but it turned out to be 100% correct. We have an amazing little boy that we love with all of our hearts; we have an amazing birth mother that we also love with all of our hearts. We email with her, send her pictures and updated and we go out to dinner together so she can see him growing. We can never thank the great people at AFTH enough, they have helped give us a family and we are forever grateful to them for that.”
WE are forever grateful for every dad and for all of the amazing things they do every day! What does fatherhood mean to you? Feel free to share your stories with us here or on our other social media pages. We look forward to hearing your feedback and highlighting more birthfather journey’s specifically in the future. Thank you for joining us in celebrating parenthood and adoption!