What to expect: choosing to parent after placing

Emotions are running high throughout the early stages of a birth parent’s adoption journey. What most women are not considering when placing, are the emotions they will feel later down the line when starting a family. If you’re a birth parent on the road to parenting, this is our advice:

Brace yourself for the question of, “Is this your first pregnancy?” For some, it’s easier to reply with a simple yes. If you’re choosing this answer to avoid explaining yourself to strangers, don’t feel guilty. Your journey is your own. Share it as you please.

Don’t let your parenting journey be consumed by your adoption journey. Remind yourself of your reasons for placing often. Appreciate your role as a parent, this is something you longed for. Use the struggles you’ve overcame and lessons you’ve learned to allow yourself to be the best parent to the child you can parent.

Eliminate the feeling of betrayal. If you find yourself feeling guilty for being ready to parent, return to your initial motives. Just because you are ready to parent now, does not mean you are betraying the child you placed. Situations change. Decide to hope that with time, the child you placed will be able to come to terms with the decisions you made in their best interest.

Don’t compare your children’s upbringing. Appreciate your children’s upbringing and their differences. This is what will help to shape them into the people they will become.

Don’t use this child to try to fill the void of your firstborn. It’s common for birth mothers to experience baby fever after placing. The yearning for motherhood can be especially strong post-placement. A new pregnancy will not erase the void you are feeling. Your birth mother identity will always be present.

Remember, no matter how motherhood reaches you, it is beautiful in its own way. Your journey is yours. Own it.

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