Category Archives: singlefather

Adopting as a Single Parent

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Adopting as a single parent wasn’t always widely accepted. Years ago, adoption agencies in some states might have even turned you away. However, over the last 20 years there has been a steady rise in the number of single-parent adoptions. According to a 2014 report done by the Children’s Bureau, 29 percent of children adopted through a public adoption agency were placed into single parent households. Women made up twenty-three percent of single parents who adopted while men made up three percent.

Given the current home environments, one-parents household are more common than they used to be. This could be due to many different circumstances, such as divorce and single mothers raising children on their own. With so many children living in single-parent households, adoption agencies have become more open minded about considering single men and women to be prospective adoptive parents. Research has also shown that adopted children raised in a single parent household do just as well as children raised in a two-parent household.

Being a parent is not easy and when you’re doing it alone it can be even more challenging. If you are a single parent looking to adopt, don’t be discouraged. Here are a few things to keep in mind when starting your adoption journey.

Stay Positive

As a single parent you will likely face some hurdles and even discouragement from family and friends who may be wondering why you would want to take on this responsibility alone. Try to be positive in situations like this and not let others bring you down when you are confident in your decision. Let them know that the desire to be a parent and grow your family is not a feeling exclusively felt by unmarried and married couples; single men and women share these same feelings too!

Build a Support System

Like any parent, you should always have a support system. There is a feeling of security knowing you have family or friends to lean on when you might need help or a break from parenting. As a single parent who will be working full time, you will need some help relieving yourself from your constant role as a parent. You should ask yourself who could help you pick up your child from school when you can’t, help you when your child is sick, and provide you with help at a moment’s notice. It takes a village as they say. If you’re ever in need of assistance when something unexpected comes up, it will be comforting to know that you have a support system in place. It will also put less pressure on yourself because you won’t be doing this alone.

Consider Your Job

As a single-parent, you want to make sure that your work schedule doesn’t get too overwhelming. For your current job and future career goals, make sure you are setting realistic expectations and balancing your work and family life. Ask yourself if your job is family friendly and willing to be flexible. It’s also good to consider the medical benefits they offer to see if they are sufficient enough to support you and your family.

Manage Your Finances

Raising a child is expensive and as a single-parent you need to be realistic about how you will financially manage supporting your family. According to a 2011 survey done by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, single-parents with one child under 18 spend between $10,000 and $12,000 a year in child expenses.

Make sure you are thinking past the initial cost it will be to adopt a child and envision the cost you will be spending after the adoption is finalized. Ask yourself if you can live comfortably while still being able to afford child care, after school care, medical care, your child’s education, and/or extracurricular activities. As a single-parent you don’t have another person to fall back on in case of a job loss, which can cause stressful conditions. This is not to say you must be rich to raise a family, but you need to be practical.

Resources

Here is an organization that helps support single-parents who have adopted or are looking to adopt:

Single Parent Resource:

228 East 45th Street, 5th Floor

New York, NY  10017

Telephone: 212-951-7030

Fax: 212-951-7037

Email: rdackerman@sprcnyc.org

You should also reach out to your local adoption agency to find out what resources and support they offer for single parents.

Parenting is hard work but following these tips will help guide you through the challenges you may face along the way. Don’t be discouraged and remember that in the end it is all worth it to become a parent and experience one of life’s greatest joys!

Sources:

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport22.pdf

https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/expenditures_on_children_by_families/CRC2010.pdf

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/single_parent.pdf

https://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/facts/can-a-single-person-adopt/

https://www.angeladoptioninc.com/single-parent-adoption/

Announcing Your Decision to Adopt

You’ve decided to adopt- that’s wonderful!! Now how do you announce your decision….?

Make a Plan

Do you want to tell everyone at the same time or are there people in your life who you want to know first? Would the news be better in writing or in person? Maybe you want to tell different people in different ways? This is your announcement and you only get to make it once so take the time to plan it out!

Information Overload

Make sure that when you’re making your adoption announcement you make it clear what you are comfortable to talk about- and what you are NOT comfortable to talk about. Not only do you want to share your decision to adopt, but you want to let people know why. This might be a sensitive topic. It’s possible that there were some bumps along the road on your journey to adoption (infertility, miscarriage, even loss). It’s okay to tell people what you don’t want them to ask about.

Hope for the Best – Plan for the Worst

Adoption is bringing new life into your world! A new addition to the family is a reason to celebrate- unfortunately, not everyone may see it that way. Different people in your life may process the news differently- and that’s okay! People will be on board sooner or later but, for some, it may take time.

It’s your decision- not anyone else’s! There will always be people who disagree with your decisions no matter what they may be. Don’t listen to those people! This is your decision- NOT theirs! You chose to adopt for all the right reasons. You’ve put a lot of time and consideration into this choice- A LOT! You’re doing a great thing for your family and for the life of a child. Don’t let anybody let you think differently about that.

Be Prepared to Answer the Tough Questions

By announcing that your adopting, you may now be considered the adoption expert to people in your life who haven’t yet had experiences with adoption. Get ready to be their go to person for all of the questions that they may have about: the process, reasons for adopting, common stereotypes.

Set the Precedent with Adoption Positive Language

Start using the correct terminology from the beginning and make a conscious effort to correct people who use insensitive language. By using terms like adoptive parent, expecting parent, birth parent, ect. From the initial announcement, you will hopefully avoid issues later- like someone asking your child about his or her “real mom”.

Straight Out of Cutesville

Go the Cute Route to announce your adoption! One popular idea is giving loved ones a picture frame with a message saying “picture of your grandchild/niece or nephew/cousin coming soon!”

Check out the photo-shoots that these families had done to announce their choice to adopt. A mass mailing with a picture like one of these will be sure to spread the news with a smile.

http://www.canadaadopts.com/were-adopting-42-fun-ways-to-celebrate-your-adoption-journey/

Create Your Network of Support

Keep your team updated on your journey! Adoption is a process that takes time. To keep the momentum going create a blog, send out an e-mail check-in, or update your Facebook status regularly to let people know where you’re at in the process. This can create a lot of excitement when things are moving along well on your journey. Keeping people in the loop can also be helpful when hardships arise, and help you find others to lean on when times are tough. You don’t want to go through this process alone, and the people who care about you will want to be there for all of the ups and downs along the way.

Remember, LOVE is What Builds a Family

Choosing adoption is an amazing way to create your family. Be proud of who you are, and what you’re doing. Love is all you need.

Helpful Resources

http://forums.thebump.com/discussion/7746352/how-to-tell-your-family-youre-adopting
http://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/parenting/breaking-the-news-that-you-plan-to-adopt/
https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-process/announcing-your-adoption-decision/

Adopting As a Single Parent by Choice, Making Dreams into Reality!

Mother and Son, Single Parent Adoption

Raising a child as a single parent might be viewed by others as an “unconventional” life choice but to mothers and fathers who choose to do it on their own; they just want to make their dream into reality. Single men and women want to adopt a child for many of the same reasons that couples want to. They want to be a parent, have a child to love, want to give a child a home, pregnancy might not be an option, and the list could go on. There has been an increasing in single adoptive parents over the past few years and whatever the reasons leading them to adoption, their journey is something to be celebrated.

Many people hear the word “single parent” and automatically think that a tragedy or divorce caused their single status but that not always the case. There are many singles who make the choice to enter the world of parenthood.

The past few decades have seen an incredible increase in the number of families headed by single mothers. Unlike the stereotypical images of an un-wed, poverty-stricken, uneducated, and young teen or woman facing parenthood alone, an increasing number of successful, single well-educated professional women in their 30’s and 40’s are arriving at motherhood through adoption by choice. AFTH has quite a few singles, both men and women, who are looking to adopt.

“I am so excited to become a mother-something I knew I wanted from when I was just a little girl. Although having a biological child has not been a possibility for me, I decided that should not stop me from making my dreams into reality of becoming a parent.”-Hopeful single adoptive parent at AFTH

To read more about some of our single’s that are waiting to adopt, check out our website where you can read more into their profile books and learn about their journey and how they ended up deciding to adopt. www.afth.org/meet-our-families

 Statistics of Single Parent Households in the US

Single parenthood is very common in the United States. Even today when 50% of U.S. children will spend some part of their childhoods in a single parent family, there is still contempt for single moms and dads. Did you know that more than 22 million children under the age of 21 are being raised in a single parent household? Here are just a few more appealing statistics. http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm

  • About 28% of children worldwide live in a single-parent household.
  • In the United States, 80.6% of single parents are mothers. Among this percentage of single mothers: 45% of single mothers are currently divorced or separated, 1.7% are widowed, and 34% of single mothers never have been married.
  • 76% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed and 85.1% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed

 Even today when 50% of U.S. children will spend some part of their childhood in a single parent family, there are still often many misperceptions about single parenthood however times are changing and society is beginning to embrace the many different ways a family can be formed.

Adopting as a single father

 Statistics of Single Parent Adoption

Unfortunately years ago, if you had gone to an adoption agency as a single person and applied for a child, you would have been turned down. Now, thousands of children in the United States and other countries are living with single men and women who have chosen to become parents and who have been given the opportunity to provide a loving home for a child. Below are just some statistics about adoption and adopting as a single parent. http://statistics.adoption.com/information/adoption-statistics-single-parents.html

  •  Every state in the country currently allows single adults to adopt children.
  • Approximately 25 percent of adoptions of children with special needs are by single people.
  • In 2011 nearly 1/3 of adoptions from foster care we completed by unmarried individuals. This number includes adoptions from more than 13,000 single women and 1,400 single men.

Controversy of Single Parent Adoption

 Most single parents agree that the joy of bringing a child into your life far outweighs the challenges added as being a single parent. Single parents, whether through adoption or circumstance, do face unique aspects to parenting solely due to the fact that there is one of them as opposed to two. There can also be some benefits of single parenthood such as having less people to coordinate parenting decisions with. One of the biggest obstacles many single parents may face are the opinions and objections society might have. Sadly, there are some people who still believe that singles should not be allowed to adopt children. Here are just some arguments and opinions many single parents by choice have heard along the way.

  • A child needs two parents so that one can fill in for the other when one is too tired, sick, and so on.
  • A child needs to be raised by both a male and female parent
  • If a single parent becomes ill or dies, the child will be orphaned.
  • Due to the need to work to provide for the child, they cannot be an at-home parent and give the child the attention he/or she will need.
  • Single parents often live under poverty line and receive government assistance

 Finding a good support system through the way

With all of the opinions, arguments and judgments you will surely hear along the way during you adoption process as a single parent know that it is important to be strong in the decision you make and know that you can make your dream of parenthood true. To help, it is important to find a good support system, a network of people who care about you and who will be there for you both emotionally and physically when you need it.

We find that many of the prospective adoptive parents working with AFTH say that they often find additional support as they go through the adoption process. Adoption is a thread that can pull many people together throughout the journey. You may find friends and neighbors as well as other hopeful adoptive parents you meet through the agency classes and events that have a connection to adoption that you will gain as resources for support along the way.

Below are just some helpful organizations geared to single parents that can be there for you whether you have a question or just need someone to talk to that can relate to your situation.

One Step at a Time

All you need for a family is love, commitment and a sense of humor!

Whether you are thinking about adopting as a single parent or you know someone that is a single parent, remember that millions of children are growing up healthy and happy in single-parent households. And that single hopeful adoptive parents are just trying to pursue their dream of parenthood just as any other parent. Like all worthwhile journeys, the path of single adoptive parenthood is easiest when taken one step at a time. To read more about single parent households and how less than a quarter of American families fit the old “Leave It To Beaver” model of a married, two-parent, opposite-sex household with children, check out our Families Are Changing post from 2009. https://afth.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/families-are-changing/