Choosing Adoption First

Originally posted November 2010 by Rebekah McGee. Rebekah a New York Adoption Consultant with Adoptions from the Heart. She and her husband adopted an infant son from Ethiopia in 2012 after a 2.5 year adoption process. Their family then had two biological daughters in 2013 and 2017. They are a transracial and special-needs family as her oldest child has multiple disabilities.

It is really funny how when we tell people that we are adopting, many people’s first question is: “but are you ever going to have children of your own?” or “can you not have your own kids?”

Some are bold enough to ask this to our face, and some have a roundabout way of asking by mentioning their friends’ infertility issues, or their own. At a fundraiser yard sale this summer, we were cornered by a person who said that she and her husband thought about adopting when they had fertility issues, but “it all worked out” and they had 3 biological kids afterall. She told us to keep our heads up because we are young and “never know” what might happen.

Well, in case you are one of the wondering people- we decided to adopt first, because we want to adopt first. This isn’t a “plan B” or “pregnancy-didn’t-work-so-lets-just-get-a-baby” thing for us. (Please know that if infertility led you to adoption- I’m not judging that in any way. I’m just saying this is how our story is happening.)

My husband and I are young, we’re in our early twenties. Prior to getting married we said we would start talking about starting a family when we’d been married a year. At our one-year anniversary, we looked at each other and realized we didn’t want to get pregnant then. After watching some dear friends of ours begin and complete an international adoption, we knew that adoption was also something we wanted to do, and we wanted that to be a priority for our family. We feel that adoption is an extension of our faith and is a way that we can help a child who needs a loving home.

When the reality of that truth really took hold of us, we knew that we wanted to adopt now. Adoption is a long process, and we knew that we weren’t facing the same timeline as a pregnancy, which worked for our stage of life with my husband being in graduate school. We knew that adoption takes a lot of commitment- time, money, and energy. At this point, being just the two of us, we can live very frugally without affecting other children.

We have a lot of dreams for our future, and adoption was among the list of things. When we realized that it was a priority for our marriage and life, we knew that doing it now would be the only way to make sure it really did happen.


So getting back to the original question: “are you ever going to have your own kids?” Well, we 100% believe adopted children will be our own kids. Right now, the only thing we can plan for is our future Ethiopian baby that is waiting for us right now. We can’t wait to be parents and are so thankful that God has allowed our family to grow this way.

This article was originally posted in 2010 at the blog “Saying Yes to Adoption” written by Rebekah McGee. At the time of this second publication, Ethiopia is closed to inter-country adoptions.  

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