Birth Parents, Domestic Adoption, multiracial families, Open Adoption

Keeping it all in stride

This is a cross post  from one of our families blogs The Unknown Zygote.  We believe it is so helpful to hear from other adoptive parents and realize there are other people out there experiencing the things you are.

….Keeping it all in stride. There have been three distinct moments in the past month and a half that I thought that parenthood was, literally, right around the corner. That is three times when we know that somebody took a look through a book, saw our profile, and had to give (at least some) consideration to whether or not we would make good parents for her biological child. In each of those cases, the biological mother took on the role of mother. Yeah, it’s a letdown when this has happened . . . but it’s not all that bad to take. I mean, I cannot even fathom what it must take in order to put a child that you’ve been carrying around for nine months into somebody else’s hands. I just can’t.

One of the tremendous fears that I have about adopting is that the biological mother would doubt this decision. We know that there is always, always, always going to be a “what if” – but I fear being resented. If a birthmother can honestly tell herself that she thinks the best situation for the baby is if she parents it, well, I don’t think I want to be daddy to that baby, and I wish that birthmother the best.

Part of what is frustrating is that we don’t know how often our profile is being seen. Have these three situations been it? Or, are we getting looked at every other day, but something says “no” to those looking? The only way I can take this is that all of this frustration (and, while I try to keep a calm demeanor through all of this, it’s not always easy) is going to be worth it in the end. That is certain.

2 thoughts on “Keeping it all in stride”

  1. We know exactly how you feel, not knowing if your profile is being looked at, and if it is what is turning people off from choosing you. We even considered changing our profile, when we got the call. I can tell you the wait is hard, but I would not change a thing. We are the proud parents of a 14 month old, who is our pride and joy.

  2. Hi, All. This post was written by my husband a year ago. Currently, we are awaiting the birth of a boy who, all people willing, will be our son. I thought knowing that would help everyone who is still waiting and wondering. Keep fingers crossed, prayers handy, good vibes coming, whatever is your thing, coming!

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