Foster Care Adoption

Foster care adoption involves the adoption of children who are living in the U.S. foster care system. According to a poll done by CASA:

• 83% of adults knew very little about the experience of children in care.
• 31% knew someone who was or had been in foster care.
• 45% reported negative impressions of foster care, and 11 percent reported positive impressions (the remainder were neutral or did not have enough information to decide).
• 11% thought that children were in foster care because of something the children did, although the majority strongly disagreed and tended to blame the biological parents.
• 87% agreed that improving the foster care system should be a national priority.

In general, Private adoption agencies place newborns and their fees are higher since they are privately run, and do not receive tax dollars from the State to support their services. Public agencies place children that are in foster care available for adoption. Their fees are much lower than private agencies because they are funded by the State.

While most children who are adopted from foster care are adopted by their foster parents and other children are adopted by their relatives, nationwide there are still many thousands of children in the U.S. foster care system waiting for permanent families

Public agencies mostly place children with special needs* (in general the definition of special needs includes children whose emotional or physical challenges, age, race, membership in a sibling group, a history of abuse, or other factors contribute to a lengthy stay in foster care.) Up-front fees and expenses range form zero to $2,500, including travel and attorney’s fees. Most states, under a Federal matching program, will reimburse non-recurring adoption expenses up to a set limit (which cannot exceed $2,000). Federal and State adoption subsidies may be available for the ongoing care of children with special physical, mental, or emotional needs. The adoption subsidy agreement must be negotiated and signed before the child’s adoption is finalized. However, there is a process where adoption subsidy can be applied for or renegotiated after finalization, but only under certain conditions.

Foster Care Statistics:

• Currently, there are approximately 520,000 children in foster care in the United States. It’s estimated that 117,000 are eligible for adoption.
• In 2005, about 51,000 children were adopted from foster care.
• 68% of parents who adopt from foster care are married couples, 27% are single females, 2% are unmarried couples, and 3% are single males.
• Average age of a waiting foster child is between 6 -10.
• Approximately 50,000 waiting children have special needs*
• Race/ethnicity of children in foster care: 41% Caucasian, 32% African-American, 18% Hispanic, and 1% Asian; 8% other.
• Each year, about 20,000 children age out of foster care.

A Child is Waiting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Adoption

A Child is Waiting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Adoption answers general questions about adoption and the foster care adoption process.  Published by the Dave Thomas Foundation this guide explains how to begin the adoption process and walks you through the steps. You will discover a variety of additional resources, a glossary of adoption terms, adoption agency referrals and stories of adoptive parents and children. The Step-By-Step Guide to Post-Adoption is automatically included when ordering one to five copies.

Breast feeding the adopted child

Many people are surprised to learn that adoptive mothers can and do breastfeed. While pregnancy hormones are a help in producing a milk supply, what really starts the process of lactation is the action of the baby sucking on the nipples. Some adoptive mothers are able to totally breastfeed their children. Others whose milk supply is lower can still give their baby the unique nourishment in breast milk while supplementing with formula.

An adoptive mother wishing to breastfeed will need to prepare. In addition to learning everything she can about breastfeeding, she usually begins using a breast pump a few weeks in advance of the baby’s anticipated arrival. The action of the pump is not as efficient as a baby’s suckling, but can still help to stimulate milk production. A lactation consultant can help with this (consult your local La Leche League chapter for referrals).

If you have not had the chance to start early, you may still be able to produce some milk. A baby is born primed to nurse. If possible, ask to nurse your child immediately. Of course, this will have to be negotiated with the birthmother.  Many mothers take advantage of herbs such as fenugreek and medications or hormones which can help induce lactation. Again a lactation consultant is your best resource. Another help most adoptive mothers use, at least in the beginning, is a Supplemental Nursing System. This helps to start the cycle of nursing going (milk is produced by the baby sucking; the baby will suck if rewarded with milk). The supplementer brings the baby formula

or pumped breast milk through a tube taped next to the mother’s nipple. In this way the baby is motivated to keep sucking and the nipple stimulation increases the mother’s own milk production.

A great book on this subject is Breastfeeding the Adopted Baby by Debra Stewart Peterson

Open Adoption: On Family’s Story

“So which one is the mother?” the questioner was most persistent.  There we sat, my husband, my daughter, and her birth mom.  We were eating lunch together during one of the pre-arranged meetings we’d agreed upon as we worked together to create an adoption plan before my daughter was even born.  “I am,” I answered, wondering if any hurt feelings would result.  “Then who’s she?” the waitress persisted, pointing at my daughters birth mother. “She looks just like your baby.”

At a loss for words, my daughters birth mother looked  uncomfortable around the table. “Why, she’s a very, very special person in my daughters life.” I finally answered the inquisitive woman, who then left us in peace.  As I looked around the table, I realized that not only was my daughters birth mother smiling, but she was grateful to me for so accurately defining her role in my daughters life.

This anecdote, courtesy of a mother of three, all adopted through open adoption, is a wonderful description of how open adoption is working for so many families.  Though it’s almost impossible to imagine this busy, nuturing and fulfilled woman as anything but a mother, it is not that long ago that she and her husband were beginning their adoption journey.

They were unsure if open adoption could work for them. They had reservations- would the birth mother be able to “let go” or would she and her extended family expect to be adopted too? Would the birth parents have all the control in this equation? Would they wait forever? Three kids later, they know that open adoption works.

Their relationship with their children’s birth mothers have been exactly what they decided upon as they worked with each birth mother to create an adoption plan.  It is a level of contact that is comfortable with all parties and were that ever to change, the adoptive parents would be very comfortable making any needed adjustments.

They adopted their first child within one year of their profile being placed in the agency’s books and the longest they have waited for a placement is just two years.  For this family , like countless others, open adoption is working just fine.

Haiti

On January 12, a massive earthquake struck the impoverished country of Haiti 10 miles from the capital of Port-au-Prince, home to an estimated two million residents. Early reports indicate the temblor, with a magnitude of 7.0 and aftershocks as high as 5.9, has caused catastrophic damage, turning large sections of the city to rubble.We are all saddened by the devastation in Haiti.  Below you will find a list of some legitimate charities that are already on the ground in Haiti helping.

1. Partners in Health: Partners in Health and its partner organization Zanmi Lasante has worked in Haiti for nearly twenty-five years, and today is one of the largest non-governmental health care providers in the country.

2. World Food Programme: A full emergency operation is being prepared to supply food assistance to around 2 million beneficiaries for six months initially.

3. Oxfamamerica: Oxfam has a staff of 200 stationed in the country, including a highly trained emergency response team of between 10 and 15 members who are well-versed in urban work. Oxfam affiliates have been working in Haiti since 1978. Some of their focus has been on helping people establish stronger livelihoods and mitigate disasters.

4. Doctors without Borders: has already treated more than 1,000 people on the ground in Haiti following Tuesday’s earthquake, but the needs are huge. An inflatable hospital with operating theatres is expected to arrive in the next 24 hours.

January Book Reviews

All reviewed books are available in our branch offices or in our online store.

The Best For Your by Kelsey Stewart    Written by a birth mother this book offers a perspective that no other children’s adoption book offers.  The view of the the birth mothers.  This heart warming book is aimed to help children and parents understand what one birth mother was thinking when she decided to adopt. Written in her perspective, she tells her child the reasons why she chose adoption for her baby. A great conversation starter for parents, or companion book for adopted children to discuss with other children, this is a unique journey for any child of any age. AFTH price $12.00

Questions Adoptees are Asking….about beginnings…about birth family…about searching…about finding peace by Sherrie Eldridge – Questions Adoptees Are Asking: …about beginnings…about birth family…about searching…about finding peace – This is an updated version of Ms. Eldridges book 20 Life Transforming Choices Adoptees need to make.  This book includes interviews with more than seventy adoptees to bring their questions to light, find the answers, and create connection among adult adoptees. An insightful book. AFTH price $13.00

20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed by Sherry Eldridge – Speaking from her own experience as an adoptee and an expert in the field of adoption, Eldridge shares proven strategies and the moving narratives of nearly one hundred adoptive families, helping parents gain a deeper understanding of what is normal, both for their children and themselves. By first strengthening yourself as a parent, you’ll be able to truly listen to your child, and to connect with him on every level, by opening the channels of communication and keeping them open forever.
Discover how to
• be confident that your role in your child’s life is vital and irreplaceable
• pass on the legacy of healthy self-care by assessing and regulating your stress
• communicate unconditional love to your child
• talk candidly with your child about her adoption and her birth family
• teach your family how to respond positively to insensitive remarks about adoption
• connect with other adoptive families–and build a support network    AFTH price $12.00

Estate Planning for the Adoptive Family

Posted with Permission By Cheryl N. Smith, Esq
Cheryl N. Smith is an estate planning attorney at the law firm of Bass, Doherty and Finks, P.C. www.bassdoherty.com She is also mom to her beautiful daughter adopted at birth through domestic, open adoption. She can be reached via email at csmith@bassdoherty.com or via telephone at (617)787-8948.

My husband and I recently adopted a baby girl through domestic agency adoption. She is just the love of our lives and we have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of learning how to be her parents.

In addition to being a new adoptive mother, I am also an estate planning attorney, so after our daughter was born, I sat down to rewrite our Wills. I realized that the fact that we have an adopted child raised a whole host of questions which, even after nine years of practice, took on a whole new meaning to me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there are several issues and decisions that parents in adoptive families must be educated about that do not exist in families with only biological children.

Estate Planning in General

Every parent that has a minor child needs to have an estate plan in order to ensure that child is protected and cared for, both personally and financially. An estate plan typically consists of a set of documents that set forth your wishes with respect to your person (i.e., health care decisions), your estate (i.e., financial decisions) and your children (i.e., guardianship decisions).

The documents include a Will, a Trust, a Health Care Proxy, a Durable Power of Attorney, and a Parental Appointment of Guardian for Minors. While a good estate planning attorney can walk you through what each of these documents does, there are additional issues specific to adoption that an adoptive parent must consider when establishing an estate plan. Some of these issues are discussed below.

Choice of Guardian

Choosing a guardian to care for your children in the event you become incapacitated or die is never an easy decision for any parent. But when you are an adoptive parent, it is even more complicated. The person you select to fill this role must be sensitive to the unique circumstances of your family, and it may require some extra thought and direction on your part to make sure your wishes are carried out.

Things to consider include making sure your chosen guardian has all the facts about your child’s adoption so that as appropriate, they can share this information with your child. Also, if you are in an open adoption, will the person you chose as guardian follow through with helping to maintain that open relationship? In my own Will, I specifically state that if a nominated guardian is unwilling or unable to maintain a relationship with our daughter’s birth parents, that they respectfully decline to serve as guardian, in which case the nominated alternates will step in.

I often recommend that adoptive parents prepare a letter, to be kept with their estate planning documents, spelling out the circumstances surrounding their child’s adoption and giving directions regarding continued contact with the birth family and anything else they feel is important about their child’s adoption.

Inheritance Rights

Before your adoption is finalized, your child has no legal rights to your estate. Depending on from where your child is adopted and the type of adoption you have, it can take anywhere from 6 months to a matter of years to finalize an adoption.

As soon as your child is placed with you, assuming it is intended to be a permanent placement, you should consider signing new Wills to include that child. Your will can include language that treats a child placed for adoption the same as a biological child or a child whose adoption has been finalized.

Trusts

I always recommend that parents of young children leave their assets to a trust for the benefit of their child. It is never advisable to leave assets to a minor, first and foremost because legally they cannot take control of an inheritance, but also because leaving assets to a minor means continued court involvement and oversight until your child reaches the age of majority.

With adoption, and particularly open adoption, the need for a trust is magnified as there may be people other than your immediate family that have a direct interest in your child’s life and well being. Keeping assets held for your child in a Trust under the control of a Trustee that you have chosen (rather than being subject to judicial process) is the best way to protect your child’s interests and preserve your assets for their benefit.

Because a Trust is usually not a public document (as opposed to a Will which gets filed with the Probate Court), it also serves as a mechanism to privately set forth special financial considerations for your child, as further discussed below.

Special Financial Considerations

There may be costs associated with raising an adopted child that go beyond making sure they are clothed, sheltered, fed and educated. If your plan for your child includes annual visits with the birth family, or a trip to the country from where they were adopted, this is something you should spell out. If they were adopted internationally, and you want them to have exposure to the culture of their homeland, you should incorporate provisions in your Trust specifically directing your Trustee to pay for travel, cultural programs, or anything else that might be related.

Supplemental Needs Trusts

If your child has any disabilities or special needs, it will be even more important that you provide for him or her after you are gone. You should consider establishing a supplemental needs trust for your child to ensure that your child meet the financial eligibility rules for private or government assistance programs while preserving the assets you leave to him or her for needs not met by such programs.

Continued Planning

Finally, you should periodically review your estate plan with an experienced estate planning attorney. Changes in the law, your family structure or financial situation are all events that warrant a revisit of your plan as they can have a dramatic impact on your estate plan.

Copyright (c) 2009 Cheryl N. Smith

Family Preservation or Child Preservation?

There has been an unending stream of stories of abused, neglected, murdered, and abandoned children. For the most part these children were victims of their “real” (biological) families.  Perhaps more surprising is that many of these victims and their situations were known to their community social service agency.

Unfortunately for these children the weight our society places on family preservation – on keeping the biological family intact – has tipped the scales in favor of a dysfunctional sometimes frustrated biological family over the welfare of the child or children involved.  Many family and child welfare professionals continue to believe that , given a few years, they can “fix” the problems of families that have been dysfunctional for generations.  Also contributing to our society’s feelings about family preservation is the belief that children belong to only one family, their “real” or biological family and that if they do not remain with this family they will feel abandoned and insecure for the rest of their lives.  The truth is that it is far worse for these children to remain in families plagued with addiction, poverty and despair than to be adopted by a stable nurturing adoptive family.

When is society going to give women a positive view of adoption which allows them to consider this option instead of making them feel that they are doing something wrong? Adoption has changed so much over the years.  The majority of  adoptions now are open where the birth family can choose the family they want to raise their child and remain in communication with the adoptive family after placement.  Many birth parents receive photos and letters, and some  even have visitations with the adoptive family and the child.

In educating the public about adoption and empowering women consider making an adoption plan we can hopefully provide children with a stable family yet still enable them to retain connection to their roots.  Isn’t it time for family preservation to take a back seat to child preservation?

Jin Jin & the Rain Wizard

AFTH is proud to announce that our former China facilitator Grace Chang has published her 2nd book about Jin Jin the Dragon.  Jin Jin and the Rain Wizard introduces readers to yet another fascinating aspect of Chinese culture. At the end of the book, two additional pages describe the history of rice and the legend of Rain Wizard.

Grace was born in Beijing into a family of famous entertainers. As a young girl, Grace learned magic from her grandfather in the courtyards of the Forbidden City. She also sat with her father as he wrote, while dreaming of becoming a writer herself one day. Today Grace is a multi-talented performer, illusionist, and storyteller and has helped hundreds of families adopt from China.

Chong Chang, Grace Chang’s brother, has been drawing since the age of five. He graduated from Tiansen Art School and lives in China, where he works in graphic design. Because of the time difference between Brooklyn and China, Grace and Chong frequently exchange ideas in the middle of the night.

All reviewed books are available in our branch offices or in our online store.

Navigating the Holidays with A Child with Sensory Issues

Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year’s are filled with sensory issues. Bright lights, sounds, textures, colors, busy stores, and many other things can cause your child with sensory issues to have meltdowns or struggle this time of year.

There are holiday programs in schools and churches which can irritate a sensitive child’s ears. Wearing fancier clothing for parties can be a nightmare. Well meaning relatives, holiday music or screeching sounds can push your child over the edge.

How do you combat all of these and still manage to have successful holidays? Here are some tips.

1) Earplugs or earmuffs – As adults we can be over stimulated by all the noise of the holidays and to kids with sensory issues, it can be magnified. Have a supply of ear plugs handy that your child can quickly slip in when feeling overwhelmed. If ear plugs might be an irritant, try ear muffs or even a headset or MP3 player with soothing music.

2) Have an escape plan – Be prepared to head out of a situation if necessary. Simply finding a quiet corner to be able to allow your child to de-escalate may be all that is necessary. In other cases, you may need to leave and head home. Watch for warning signs that your child might be getting over stimulated or have a code word that you and your child understand that it’s time to leave. Warn your family or friends that you might need to leave or head to a quiet area if things start to become overwhelming for your child.

3) Quiet time each day – Try to work in some quiet time each day where your child knows there will not be sensory issues. If structure is important to your child, try to do it at the same time each day, or the same place so that your child knows there will be time that is free of sensory overload.

4) Sunglasses – Bright lights and colors can be overwhelming and can give anyone a headache. Sunglasses may help cut down on some of the intensity of the colors or lights.

You know what your child’s issues or triggers are. Try to come up with a plan to combat those before the holidays are in full swing so you are not scrambling to deal with issues when your child is escalating.

December Book Reviews

All reviewed books are available in our branch offices or in our online store.

Surrogacy Was The Way: Twenty Intended Mothers Tell Their Stories by Zara Griswald – This book takes a look at the intended parents perspective of surrogacy and is very helpful for both surrogates and intended parents going through surrogacy. It looks at the details that people don’t want to talk about. Surrogacy is a beautiful way to achieve pregnancy, but there isn’t a resource for intended parents on what to expect. Anyone who  is involved in gestational surrogacy, whether you are the intended parents, the surrogate, or family members, should read this book. AFTH Price $14.00

The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide by Arlene Istar Lev- This book is one of the most inclusive LGBT parenting manuals out there. I highly recommend it for LGBT parents and anyone thinking about starting a family. It is an engaging read, full of funny stories and information. It is also one of the only books I’ve read that has been truly inclusive of bisexual, transgender and gender-variant families. AFTH $17.00

Adopting and Advocating for the Special Needs Child by Rita Law & L. Anne Babb – Although definitions vary special needs children include those with mental, physical, and emotional disabilities and those with problems due to their age, sibling status, race, and such risk factors as exposure to drugs in utero. For parents interested in a special needs child and just beginning the adoption process, this book answers questions you may never have known to ask while clarifying the mysteries of the adoption system. Babb and Law clearly explain the most important information and most critical emotional issues which pre-adoptive parents need to consider.  AFTH price $25.00