May Book Reviews 2013

All books purchased by clicking the link in our review will give AFTH a small donation from Amazon.com.  If you are interested in purchasing one of the books in our review please consider buying it through our link to amazon.com.

Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos -Honest, funny and honest Nia Vardalos writes about her struggles with infertility, the overwhelming sense of failure while going through IVF and ultimately her decision to adopt through foster care. Nia and her husband adopt a 3 year old little girl through foster care and became an instant family overnight. If you expect a book that is all sunshine and roses from this point forward you will be mistaken.  Nia shares her struggle to bond with a child whose trust has been broken, to figure out how to parent a 3 year old when she hasn’t had 3 years to figure it out.  Nia shares her story with humor and joy, because no matter what her little girl throws at her and her husband they are determined to be a family.  Ultimately uplifting and wonderful, Nia’s story shows that love and determination can help you climb the biggest hill.  Retail $26.99 amazon.com price $18.51

Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad by Dan Bucatinsky -Dan has written a funny, revealing book about what it is like to be a new parent.  He talks about his quest to adopt, his disappointment with one failed adoption and his joy at becoming a father, not once but twice thanks to the same woman.  His stories of parenthood are not for everyone – if you don’t like kindergarten humor then this might be a book to pass on but if you have kids and know the crazy weird things they come up with to ask or do then you may appreciate his candidness.   retail price $14.99 amazon.com $11.91 kindle edition $9.72

Adopting a Child with a Trauma and Attachment Disruption History: A Practical Guide by Theresa Fraser - This short booklet is great for families considering adopting an older child.  While it isn’t very in depth it gives some great tips on understanding children with trauma histories and how to integrate a new child into your home.  There are tips on how to manage social media and connection to birth families and questions to ask yourself before adding a new child to the family.  This is a great first book to explore this option.  amazon paperback price $7.89 Kindle edition $2.99

Springtime Skin Dangers – Tips on Baby Skin Care

Spring has sprung! Sure, it’s the season of cardigan-cleansed closets, checkered picnic blankets and Technicolor blooms, but for babies and toddlers spring also has its pitfalls. That’s especially true with skin care: The things we rush outdoors to enjoy (sun, flowers, nature, etc.) can bring with them itchy irritants and sun burnt little ones. Here’s how to protect your little ones from the elements.

Here Comes the Sun

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends keeping babies younger than 6 months out of direct sunlight. That’s particularly important between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., when the sun is at its strongest. Unlike an adult’s, a baby’s skin is not equipped with much melanin, the natural pigment that absorbs and protects against the sun’s rays. For outdoor outings with babies under 6 months, dress your baby in light, long-sleeved shirts and long pants. The best options are those made from tightly woven fabrics that the sun can’t penetrate. Use a wide-brimmed hat or cap to cover her face and neck. Apply a broad-spectrum sunscreen (one that protects against UVA and UVB rays) that’s at least SPF 15 on any exposed areas of the body like the back of her hands. Look for a chemical-free version that uses zinc or titanium dioxide. If she’s cruising in a stroller, be sure to keep the canopy up. For babies older than 6 months, apply a sunscreen with SPF 15. Reapply every two hours or so.

Stings, Bites and Bumps

With the blossoming flowers comes the return of all kinds of insects: bees and wasps, ants and yellow jackets, mosquitoes and ticks. We all know that stings and bites bring on itchy, tender bumps, but they can also cause dangerous allergic reactions. For example, if a bee stings a small child with asthma or other breathing problems, it may lead to the shrinking of air passages.

Bugs tend to be most active early in the morning and late in the afternoon. No one wants to stay inside due to pesky bugs, so it’s best to safeguard the skin with the proper repellent. If the baby is over 2 months, the AAP recommends insect repellants with DEET, an effective chemical that lasts three to eight hours. Those made with essential oils from plants like citronella and eucalyptus are less effective and last a much shorter amount of time. Avoid gimmicky gadgets like ultrasound devices and bug zappers, which may actually attract bugs to your backyard.

Spray repellent on the clothing and exposed parts of baby’s skin. (Do it outside to avoid inhaling fumes.) Don’t overuse: Spraying on an extra dose does not make it more effective. At the end of the day, wash the spray off baby with soap and water, and wash clothes before wearing again. If your tot is bitten, use a cold compress or cloth filled with ice to ease inflammation or apply calamine lotion.

Plant Scratch Fever

It’s important to know what’s growing in your own back yard, as some plants may mean trouble. Request a list of poisonous plants in your area by visiting poison.org or calling 800-222-1222. Some of the treatments for keeping your yard healthy may not be safe for children. If you’re using herbicides and pesticides, don’t allow children to play on treated parts of the lawn for 48 hours.

The season’s biggest leaf-laden perpetrators are poison ivy and poison oak (three-leafed plants with wide, shiny green leaves). The skin rash, which typically appears four days after exposure, is marked by red, swollen skin and tiny, blister-like bumps that burn and itch. If your baby has touched poison ivy or poison oak, keep his hands away from his eyes. Wash him immediately with soap and water to remove any lingering oil and sap. This will keep absorption into the skin to a minimum. While the rash will heal on its own in approximately two weeks, you can use cold compresses, cool baths and calamine lotion to ease discomfort.

(This full article can be found on Parenting.com)

Encourage Your Kids to Apply Themselves

Parents often grow frustrating trying to convince their youngsters that applying themselves to chores, schoolwork, and other necessary tasks is important. You don’t have to resort to threats or bribery, through. Try some of these tips:

• Focus on progress, not perfection. Kids will shy away from chores if they feel they can never do a good enough job. Set reasonable standards, but don’t obsess about their getting everything perfect. Reward progress, not just results.
• Give them a choice. If kids feel they have a choice about what to do, or how to do it, they’ll try harder. Provide them with options, and be honest about  how they can do a good job. 
• Give them lost of praise. Make them feel good about what they’re doing. They’ll want to do more if they feel good about their work. Point out their strengths, and make sure you’re sincere, honest, and specific in your praise.
• Talk about your own work. When you share your own achievements in your job or hobbies, kids may be motivated to work harder so they have their own successes to share with you. 

 

 

 

April Book Reviews 2013

All books purchased by clicking the link in our review will give AFTH a small donation from Amazon.com.  If you are interested in purchasing one of the books in our review please consider buying it through our link to amazon.com.

Its been a busy month, I only got a change to read and review two books this month.  But I’m working on more for next month!

The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole by Lori Holden & Crystal Hass-   Well written, with great advice.  I love the idea created throughout the book that Open Adoption is a lifestyle not just the exchange of pictures and letters.  Its about being open about where your child came from and putting the child first.  Answering difficult questions and trying to see things from the child’s point of view.  Its not always easy and often we go with our gut reaction of fear and jealousy but by opening our hearts and minds we can create a wonderful open adoption relationship that will benefit and help adopted children grow. List price $29.99 amazon.com price $27.99

Better Than Good Hair: The Curly Girl Guide to Healthy, Gorgeous Natural Hair! by Nikki Walton - Perfect for women considering making the transition from relaxed to natural or for parents of black and bi-racial children who don’t have a clue about caring for their children’s hair. There is clear concise and organized information on caring for natural hair, including hair styles, products, detangling and more. List price $14.99 amazon.com price $11.98

Our Fundraising Story

By Guest Blogger, “Sam”

Sam’s daughter, Allison Paige, came into this world on April 22, 2011 at 37 weeks and 1 day. She most likely died as a result of a cord accident. It’s impossible to know for sure.  Sam and her husband loved her from the start and miss her every single day. Sam writes to honor and remember her.  They have chosen to grow their family through adoption now and can’t wait to one day bring home her brother or sister.”

One of the scariest parts about the adoption process is the cost.  My husband and I had already spent a lot of money on fertility treatments and the idea of spending more money for adoption was very daunting.  We decided to reach out to our friends and family and see if they had the means to help.  We realized that a few dollars here and a few dollars there had the potential to add up.  And we were right.

The first thing I did was look for a website that we could use to raise donations online.  I found one called http://www.youcaring.com/ that worked very well for us.  The site itself is free and easy to manage.  They accept all major credit cards, I believe, and you can link your own PayPal account to your site.  PayPal does take a percentage, but it’s not that much and since the site is free, we were ok with it.  I was able to tell our story on our You Caring page and display pictures and updates and our donors could write us messages of support and encouragement. I could then share that link on Facebook and a variety of other social media sites if I wanted to spread the word that way.

Next I decided to look for a venue as I thought an event would really help bring in the most about of money.  I went to the local fire hall and talked to their Events Coordinator.  Since we were having a fundraiser, we were able to book the space for less than half of the price that it normally goes for.  I found that once people knew why we were having an event, most were sympatric and helped out where they could.

I went to a local restaurant that my husband and I both like and asked about their catering menu.  It turned out that the owner was very familiar with adoption as that was how he grew his family 8 years ago!  He pretty much made the food at cost for us, plus came over, set it up and was super helpful!

We went to Costco and purchased cups, plates, napkins, paper towels and trash bags in bulk.  We went to Party City and got table cloths.  We went to the local Dollar Tree for bowls for each table that we later put candy in and anything miscellaneous that we needed (tape, streamers, etc.).

One friend offered to get the beer for us.  A family member paid for the wine.  We went to a local grocery store for water, soda and balloons.

Many people asked how they could help so I asked them to make baskets that we could raffle off.  We bought raffle tickets on www.amazon.com and used them for a 50/50 and also for the donations.  We had family and friends walk around and sell tickets and we had about 30 baskets set up on one side of the room for people to check out and bid on.  We held a Chinese auction which is basically where you buy as many tickets as you want and put them in the container in front of the item that you want.  The more you want it, the more tickets you buy for it.  When the time is up, a neutral person picks a ticket for each basket.  We had baskets that ranged from sports themed (our event was right before the Super Bowl) to movie gift cards, certificates good for ski lifts, house painting, hair salon services, children’s baskets of toys and books, Girl Scout Cookies, Thirty-one merchandise, handmade jewelry, yoga mats & water bottles and so much more!!

We offered Desserts for Sale and asked some people to bake their favorite goodies and bring them.  That was a huge hit, too.  Make the desserts in individual portions so your guests can buy them and take them home.

The event was from 12-4. We got there around 10 and started setting up. A former coworker of mine donated her DJ services which was a really great perk as it was way better than an iPod and we could use her microphone to make announcements throughout the day.

We had support from the start.  Adoption is a cause that everyone believes in!  Who doesn’t like the idea of helping a friend/family member/coworker/neighbor grow their family?  Let people help!  You can’t do it alone!  We had support setting up. We had support breaking everything down. We had so many donations and gifts.

We had an agenda that we tried to abide by…welcome announcement at this time, 50/50 raffle at that time. It was nice to have some structure to the day.  We said thank you over and over and meant it every time!  Ask a friend to be in charge of the camera so that you can get shots of everyone that is there.

At the end of the day, we estimated about 104 people.   We made enough money via the website and the event to really help defray the adoption costs.  We also had a great day that many will remember for a long time to come.  People came from all over to spend the day and lend their support in every way that they could.  We got donations from people that knew only of us, but wanted to help.  It was amazing and we will never forget it.  I am so glad we decided to raise money and in the end, would up raising our hopes and spirits, too.  It was a lot of work, but it all paid off!  What a day!

Our Adoption Journey

By Guest Blogger, “Sam”

Sam’s daughter, Allison Paige, came into this world on April 22, 2011 at 37 weeks and 1 day. She most likely died as a result of a cord accident. It’s impossible to know for sure.  Sam and her husband loved her from the start and miss her every single day. Sam writes to honor and remember her.  They have chosen to grow their family through adoption now and can’t wait to one day bring home her brother or sister.”

It started when we lost our daughter. At 37 weeks and 1 day, we learned our daughter was to be delivered stillborn.  We were devastated.  People wanted to do all that they could to help us. They sent food. They sent flowers. They sent cards. Many wanted to come over and sit with us. Most wanted to take the pain away. As the dust settled and the hours turned to days and days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, what I remember most of those dark days was the pain. What I remember next was that we were never alone.

After a tedious year of medical intervention and stress and injections and hormones, we decided enough was enough. We were physically and mentally exhausted and we made no progress to grow our family and we were not doing as much as we could do to honor our daughter, either.

Making the plan to adopt was easy once we decided that was what we wanted to do. My husband and I were and are on the same page and knew that we wanted to be parents…how we got there was not really the issue! The more time that has passed and the more papers that we have filled out has just confirmed that this is so right for us. We chose Adoptions from the Heart because of their great reputation and have not regretted it!  They offer all sorts of classes and support and make sure that we are fully aware of each step along the way.  We have met others like us that have also made adoption their plan. They want to be parents and know that adoption is right for them.

We also chose Adoptions from the Heart because we love the idea of Open Adoption.  Had our daughter lived, we would want to know what she looked like and what she liked to do and the sound of her laugh.  And I imagine the same goes for any birth mother or father.  We respect and honor that.

The only issue that bothers me is that I can’t really plan for a baby like I could when I was pregnant.  I can’t call and set up my FMLA for work as I have no expected date as to when I will be out on leave. As different as the path of adoption is, the planning for a baby is familiar territory for us. And we are excited to get started.

I do not want to set up the nursery until we have the baby here with us, in our arms. I am not sure I can stand the emptiness of that room again. We have a boy name and we have a girl name so in that respect, we are ahead of the game. But no shopping, no shower, no anything until we have our baby home. I suppose that is normal for parents who have lost a child, but I don’t always love our new normal.

This baby, our rainbow, will be raised by a village. He or she has already been welcomed into our family. His or her cousins are ready to play with him or her. My mom said she can already feel the baby in her arms. I know my husband and I feel that there is more than enough room in our hearts. And as it gets closer, we will physically get ready for our baby, too. Our daughter’s little brother or sister is coming…we may not know how and we may not know when, but one thing is for sure, our baby will someday (soon) be coming home!

It started when we lost our daughter.  But it will not and did not end when we lost her. She just reminder us how much we want to be parents.  And we will be!

March 2013 Book and DVD Review

All books purchased by clicking the link in our review will give AFTH a small donation from Amazon.com. If you are interested in purchasing one of the books in our review please consider buying it through our link to amazon.com.

Making Sense of our Complex Children (10 DVD series) Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, author of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors , interviews world-renowed developmental neuropsychologist, Dr. Ronald S. Federici to explore the complex issues surrounding children from traumatic and chaotic backgrounds. Through each interview, Forbes and Federici work to explore every angle from the parent to the professional to the child perspective in order to fully understand the issues families face under the complexity of raising trauma.

DVD’s are each 45 minutes long and can be bought as a set or individually.  Topics include: Introductory Overview, Developmental Disabilities, Childhood Mental Health Disorders, Mood Disorders & Trauma, Complex Trauma & PTSD, Education & Trauma, Teenagers, Medication Madness, The Family, Moving Forward

These DVD’s are filled with really interesting and useful advice.  The website has short clips of each DVD so you can see which are best for you and your family.  Full of really great information that I highly recommend.

The Secret Room by Antonia Michaelis - This is a great fantasy about an orphaned boy who must free the trapped spirit of his adoptive parent’s first son from a prison built of longing and grief and guarded by a terrible, nameless, monster. It’s a powerful story of moving on from grief with the help of love.

 

Another Forgotten Child by Cathy Glass – Once again Foster Mother Cathy Glass shares the story of another child who was mistreated before coming into her care.  Her stories are about helping the child who has come to her home but the effects of these children on her family are also interesting, from their rage at having a new difficult personality entering the home to the compassion that learn toward others who have suffered.  These books are not easy to read but Cathy’s dedication and compassion is encouraging.